My hamster has already death, so I feel…Sad :(
So today I feel a bit sad. On Newyears Eve I met a boy, well we already met since September but we found each other that night and started to talk. He was younger than me like 3 years old younger, That’s not pretty much but it is a big difference between our way to confront our lifes.
Next day, we talk again by Whatsapp, and I thought He likes me, but now He becomes weird. He treates me like if he doesn’t matter about me. I don’t care so much, but in fact I don’t like people giving me conffusing signals. I try to be clear and sincere with people although people aren’t nice with me.
Maybe…Can I get on well with anybody?
So I know that I am not a social person. When I started with anorexia I remerber I read about social problems which anorexic people have. In that moment I was full of friends, so I think that was not my case. But now… I have anybody by myself (as a friend I mean). Luckily I have my boyfriend by my side… but it isn’t normal that a 20 years-old-girl have no friends or nobody to rely on. I start to have afraid of society, I think I can´t have friends because I will never be sincere with my feelings, when I telling my feelings I think that I am weak and It’s easy to hurt me if you know how.
Two months ago, I started to be very weird with people I’d just met. Well, I can talk and telling my problems or my life in general but in a few weeks I started to keep distance with people and me, and no one cares about it. So I begin to think that If anyone cares that I keep distance with them, Why should I try to make friends? It’s like… Why I have to try to be social If sooner or later I scape of social interactions?
The thing I honestly can’t stand is when people are like “wow if you think you’re fat you must think I’m obese.”
No, stop. It doesn’t matter if you’re 50 pounds heavier than me. I will always find myself disgusting.
It makes me remeber a lot of dialogues like that
So I just open Tumbrl and I find someone read about my feelings, and just for a second I feel like someone was focus on me
I think that I totally forgot my eating disorder, I think I hided Ana in a dark dark place in my heart….But sometimes She wakes up and make me feel like a shit. Sometimes Ana remembers me that She can’t forget me.
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